Dear Rev. Wright
I started to write: “Having a wonderful time. Wish you were here.” But you know better. Being president isn’t fun and games like I hoped. And I really don’t wish you were here. I could use a friend
I should have guessed it wasn’t going to be a picnic when the chief justice couldn’t even get the oath right. That mistake was uglier than Aretha Franklin’s hat. Talk about bad omens…
But even so, the first part of the year went so well. We passed the stimulus package and taught those Republicans that elephants aren’t the only thing that never forgets. I didn’t even give them a chance to read that bill. They were too busy eating my dust.
I got $787 billion – $2
Things were good, not great. Who knew so many rich folks couldn’t do their taxes? I’m glad Michelle takes care of all our money. I can always blame her if anything goes wrong.
Thankfully, the media made me feel welcome. It seems like every journalist in the country has applied for a White House job. We hired about a dozen. (Most are so unqualified, it’s hard not to laugh. Some of their resumes are as thin as mine.) But that didn’t matter.
Whether they got the job or not
Then summer came.
Instead of hitting the beach and having a fine Pinot grigio
The ebony and ivory summit was bad enough. Things really fell apart when we got to health care.
We did everything by the numbers. We looked at how the Clinton folks ran health care last time and we did exactly the opposite. I bought off everybody I could – doctors, pharmaceutical companies, NBC and more. If they couldn’t be bribed, they were bullied. Rahm’s specialty. We talked to everybody who mattered.
It just got ugly from there. Yelling, screaming, threats, protests. And that was from Democrats. Blue Dogs were angry about the public option. And progressives were angrier than Michelle was when Sarko and I checked out that Italian booty.
Now I’m stuck using Ted Kennedy’s death as a rally cry for “KennedyCare.” That only works if no one looks at the care he got – flying a private jet to the best surgery team in the country.
And forget all that anti-war garbage. I can already see the “Obama = Carter” bumper stickers. I can’t cut and run from Afghanistan so I had to use the best strategy. Just don’t tell anyone I stole it from GW. The left howled enough already. Cindy Sheehan actually pro
To keep the left happy, I let Holder do a Michael Vick on the CIA. Progressives always love that.
The high point of the summer? Getting Sonia Sotomayor confirmed? Hah. With 60 Senate votes
Here’s hoping things change when Congress gets back. Not that hope and change ever made things better. Well
Barry, oops, Barack