The Speech I Skipped

Mr. President, I did not see or hear your speech outlining your budget and solutions to the monstrously multiplying deficit and out of control spending, delivered in the middle of the day on April 13, 2011. Because, like most Americans, I was working.


Maybe you are unaware that people work. Maybe you intended for your speech to be heard only by your core constituency: the unemployed, chronically unemployed and welfare recipients at home on a work day watching TV and the liberal news media.


But most folks, just like me, were busy working in order to pay their taxes. Most business owners, like me, were busy working to pay their taxes. Most wealthy business owners like me were busy working to pay our taxes. In fact we work quite a bit too. A recent study showed that the ultra-affluent and affluent are most likely to work 60-hour weeks.


Anyway, since I didn't listen to your speech, it is admittedly unfair to comment on it. Sort of like voting on a multi-thousand page piece of legislation without reading it, which surely no responsible person would ever do.


But I'm going to say one thing. For you, Mr. President, Congress, and every big-bellied bureaucrat y'all feed. We do not want to work more in order to give you any more money. None of us. Not one penny more. We want you to cut spending. Not surgically, but with a bloody axe. Not in mythical ways out of expenses occurring in distant years. Now.


We want the federal government re-focused on the very, very short list of things it must do because only it can, and out of everything else - including funding abortion clinics and funding a TV network. We do not want to hear kabuki theater argument over $30-billion vs. $60-billion, the equivalent of an utterly bankrupt husband and wife arguing about buying a new car or taking a cruise, but not doing both. Or, next raising the limit on your credit cards. You're broke. We're broke. Act like it.


If giving you buttheads and thieves more money would actually stop you from piling up debt at exponentially accelerating pace, I'd volunteer for a tax increase. But you've all proven you have no stomach for any meaningful reductions in spending. You just want more and more and more revenue AND more and more and more debt, like the worst crackhead only wants more crack, and you will lie, cheat and steal to get it. That's what you all are: addicts. And we want you to stop now, cold-turkey.


If you refuse, here is what to expect: we will throw as many of you out of office as we can. But more directly within our immediate control, we'll keep hoarding capital, spend less, buy less, invest less, employ fewer people and cut the hours and benefits of those we do employ. We'll refuse to create new jobs, thus starving you the only way we really can.


For every dollar of new taxes you levy on me, I'll take ten or twenty out of others' hides, and I'm teaching as many people as I can to do the same. And when you tax-attack those of us who are rich, who invest, who support charities, who might buy real estate from your deathly bloated inventory, who might add a new store or office and create a job, we can punish the economy at a greater multiple than can ordinary income earners. We can withhold hundreds of dollars per dollar of new taxes if we choose, because we don't need to buy anything.


By the way, Mr. President, although most people at work the day of your speech couldn't just stop working and watch you read your teleprompter, I could have if I had wanted to. So there are two other reasons I didn't. First, you were on right after lunch, and I didn't want to be made sick. Second, I knew without hearing it that you were going to say spend more, grow government more, tax more. Anything else said was legerdemain and lies. As Patton stage-whispered to Rommel, I've read your book.