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MRC Research Director Rich Noyes on Fox Business Network at 5:55 p.m. ET

SHIELD: Men Are Pigs

For only the second time since its inception, SHIELD has gotten Marvelous. Last episode, gave us a longer look at Lady Sif who featured in both Thor movies. She's just your typical badass, female warrior who has to kick more butt than other secondary characters (BUT NOT THE MAIN HERO CAUSE STRUCTUREZZZZ!!!). Pretty typical stuff.

More interesting was the Asgardian villain, Lorelei. She's a temptress who's special power is that her voice and touch are irresistible to men. The only shock to me about what transpired in this episode is that it took a whole quarter of an hour to come out with it. And even then, it took until the last ten minutes of the show to pound the point home.

I'm talking, of course, about that massive failing in all men that causes them to be enamored by women. Lady Sif starts off the critique subtly, merely stating that men have an inherent weakness (re: inferiority) that [women] don't. Later, the point is pounded home when Simmons tries to consol a previously Lorelei-controlled Fitz. "I'm not saying you were weak. I'm saying all men are weak."

That makes it all so much better. It's not you, it's your entire gender that's a miserable failure.

In fairness, it isn't the accusation that men are led by their, pardon my French, bitte that I object to. Rather, it's the under-appreciation for how much of history has been positively shaped by men's obsession with women.

  • Alexander Graham Bell created the telephone as a way to be able to talk to his boo late at night when social convention said he must return home.
  • Ceaser only crossed the Rubicon because he wanted his French girlfriend to taste the amazing Italian wines.
  • Alexander the Great conquered all the way to India to find a bride.
  • Columbus crossed an ocean to find an exotic love.
  • Neil Armstrong went to space because his wife wanted him to lasso the moon.

But in all seriousness, it isn't a weakness to desire a woman's approval. That desire to please is one of, if not the, greatest mechanism that turns boys into men.  Heck, that's why I write this blog - to save up some money to buy my girlfriend a ring. Aw, who am I kidding? I'm a single, misogynistic, lusting pig.

Call me, ladies!