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ABC Ignores Denial by Phone Companies, Leads with Low Bush Rating --5/17/2006


1. ABC Ignores Denial by Phone Companies, Leads with Low Bush Rating
Tuesday's CBS Evening News devoted a story to how all three phone companies -- BellSouth, Verizon and AT&T -- denied they supplied the NSA with massive records of numbers called by their customers, as charged in a Thursday front page USA Today story which led to an ongoing media firestorm. Verizon, for instance, maintained: "Contrary to the media reports, Verizon was not asked by NSA to provide, nor did Verizon provide customer phone records." NBC Nightly News ran a story on the denials by BellSouth and Verizon. But ABC's World News Tonight didn't utter a syllable about the denials which undermine the media's obsession of the last six days. Instead, anchor Elizabeth Vargas announced: "We begin with President Bush and the growing dissatisfaction in this country with the job he is doing. A new ABC News/Washington Post poll finds that the President's approval now stands at just 33 percent, tying a 25-year low. George Stephanopoulos soon inserted a Vietnam comparison.

2. Leftist Environment Day on Today, with Al Gore Dancing with Katie
It was a Greenie lovefest on Tuesday's Today. First, Today show viewers were treated to Al Gore wishing Katie a fond farewell, video which featured an early 1990s clip of Couric actually giving him dance lessons in the White House. Then at the end of the show Ann Curry promoted Sting's annual rainforest concert with his wife Trudie Styler, complete with this promotion of global warming: "To also remind people, I mean, most scientists really agree that if we don't protect this band of rainforest in the middle part of, lower middle part of the Earth that we will, could affect the environment in a dramatic way. Some now, there's a lot more debate now today about climate change and more concern about the environment. You've seen this go up and down, the interest and the political wave of it. Where are we now and how hopeful are you that people will be able to talk about this, do something about?" AUDIO&VIDEO

3. Geraldo Slams Bush, Warns America: Get Ready For $10 Artichokes
Geraldo Rivera, on the Monday edition of his syndicated half hour Fox show Geraldo At Large, slammed the President's immigration policy. Rivera complained that "the President is caving in to the most strident voices on this divisive issue" and asserted that the National Guard wouldn't be effective in stopping illegal immigration, but warned if they were successful: "Who will mow our lawns, pick our apples, patch our roofs, sew our garments? You can bet it won't be those screamers demanding the National Guard. What we need is a sensible and humane approach to immigration. What we need is what the President has advocated up until now. The deployment of the National Guard is political baloney. Get ready everybody for $10 artichokes."

4. NBC's ER Docs Rail Against Iraq War: "Right-Wing Cronyism"
NBC's medical drama ER included more anti-war speeches in last Thursday's next to last episode of the season, as the show's writers killed off a character who used to work as a doctor at the Chicago hospital but has lately been serving as a National Guard medical officer in Iraq. One doctor railed against how the "whole war smell[s]...of right-wing cronyism," while another complained the U.S. was spending "$6 billion a month in a war all the way across the world to kill a few more of the other kids who actually get to make it to their teens!" AUDIO&VIDEO

5. Letterman's "Top Ten Surprises in George W. Bush's Speech"
Letterman's "Top Ten Surprises in George W. Bush's Speech."


ABC Ignores Denial by Phone Companies,
Leads with Low Bush Rating

Tuesday's CBS Evening News devoted a story to how all three phone companies -- BellSouth, Verizon and AT&T -- denied they supplied the NSA with massive records of numbers called by their customers, as charged in a Thursday front page USA Today story which led to an ongoing media firestorm. Verizon, for instance, maintained: "Contrary to the media reports, Verizon was not asked by NSA to provide, nor did Verizon provide customer phone records." NBC Nightly News ran a story on the denials by BellSouth and Verizon. But ABC's World News Tonight didn't utter a syllable about the denials which undermine the media's obsession of the last six days.

Instead, anchor Elizabeth Vargas announced: "We begin with President Bush and the growing dissatisfaction in this country with the job he is doing. A new ABC News/Washington Post poll finds that the President's approval now stands at just 33 percent, tying a 25-year low. George Stephanopoulos soon inserted a Vietnam comparison as he explained: "Everything President Bush says and does is seen through the filter of Iraq and the American people are judging it a failure. Look at these poll numbers: 59 percent call the war in Iraq a mistake. It took several more years back in the 1970s, far deeper into the Vietnam war, for the American people to reach that same judgment about Vietnam."

[This item was posted Tuesday night on the MRC's blog, NewsBusters.org. To share your comments, go to: newsbusters.org ]

On the phone company denials, both CBS and NBC saw "parsing." CBS's Jim Stewart cautioned, "You get the impression that they're very carefully parsing their statements," and he endorsed the thrust of the story while giving a mild rebuke to USA Today: "You also get the impression looking at the body language of the intelligence community that there is something here, although maybe not on the scale that USA Today suggested." A flummoxed Lisa Myers of NBC decided: "It's very hard to know what this means because both statements are carefully parsed."

Last Thursday, ABC led with the USA Today allegation now in question. Vargas opened the May 11 World News Tonight:
"Good evening. We begin with a revelation that may change the way Americans think about phone calls and about the war on terrorism. Today we learned that since the attacks of September 11th, the government has been collecting tens of millions of phone records. This includes phone calls to and from citizens who are not suspects in any crimes. The reported goal was not to monitor conversations. It was to look for clues of terrorist activity in what's now become the largest database in the world. USA Today broke the story earlier, and tonight we cover it from all angles, beginning with ABC's chief investigative correspondent Brian Ross in Washington tonight. Brian?"

For rundowns of the initial media hysteria, check the first three articles in the May 12 CyberAlert: www.mediaresearch.org

Five days later, Vargas teased the May 16 World News Tonight:
"Tonight, a new ABC News poll finds Americans' satisfaction with their President is at a 25-year low. Can President Bush overcome an increasingly unpopular war?"

Vargas led her newscast: "Good evening. We begin with President Bush and the growing dissatisfaction in this country with the job he is doing. A new ABC News/Washington Post poll finds that the President's approval now stands at just 33 percent, tying a 25-year low. The poll finds there is one significant reason behind the widespread unhappiness and that is the war in Iraq. Just 32 percent of Americans approve of his handling of the war. Until that changes, it will be very difficult for Mr. Bush to get traction on any other issue. ABC's Chief Washington correspondent, George Stephanopoulos, joins us, tonight, in New York, with more. This is not good news for the administration."
Stephanopoulos, at the anchor desk with Vargas, over poll numbers on screen: "Elizabeth, everything President Bush says and does is seen through the filter of Iraq and the American people are judging it a failure. Look at these poll numbers: 59 percent call the war in Iraq a mistake. It took several more years back in the 1970s, far deeper into the Vietnam war, for the American people to reach that same judgment about Vietnam. 55 percent today of the American people are pessimistic about the situation in Iraq. That's a big jump from December, when there was hope over the elections. But the failure to form a government is really taking its toll."
Vargas: "In the meantime, the polls actually show a remarkable disconnect. People are very unhappy with the President and his administration. But are very happy with their personal lives."
Stephanopoulos: "This is the most fascinating finding in the poll: 69 percent of the American people think the country is on the wrong track. But 58 percent of the American people think their local community is on the right track, is going in the right direction. And 89 percent of the American people are optimistic about their own, personal future. You know, a President just shouldn't be at 33 percent when you've got 89 percent of the country optimistic about their future. This is a challenge and an opportunity for the President. The opportunity is, if things can turn around in Iraq, if they can get stabilized, and that starts to turn around, everything else should turn around, as well."

The MRC's Brad Wilmouth corrected the closed-captioning against the video for the May 16 CBS and NBC coverage of the denials from the phone companies:

# CBS Evening News. Anchor Russ Mitchell: "And with the 9/11 attacks, of course, began the War on Terror, which includes President Bush's once-secret domestic eavesdropping program, monitoring, without a warrant, phone calls and e-mails of Americans suspected of having ties to terrorists. Today congressional leaders say that in a major about-face the President agreed to allow the full Senate and House intelligence committees to review that program. There have been reports for almost a week now that also, as part of the War on Terror, major telephone companies were giving the government their customers' phone call records. But with those companies facing billions of dollars in lawsuits, they are now saying it never happened. There's a lot of confusion about this tonight. Jim Stewart's in Washington to sort if out for us. Hi, Jim."

Jim Stewart: "Russ, all three of the giant telephone companies that are alleged to have turned over millions of consumer phone records to a national spy agency now say they didn't do that, but their denials haven't stopped the firestorm. In carefully worded statements, BellSouth, AT&T, and now Verizon have challenged a report in USA Today that said the companies gave tens of millions of consumers' phone records to the National Security Agency as part of the War on Terrorism after 9/11: 'Contrary to the media reports, Verizon was not asked by NSA to provide, nor did Verizon provide customer phone records,' a company statement said. In response, USA Today said it will 'continue to investigate and pursue the story. We're confident in our coverage.' The phone records were reportedly stored in the NSA's mammoth computer system as analysts there tried to connect the dots between U.S. telephone numbers found on terrorist operatives captured overseas or numbers here that were dialed by suspected terrorists from their overseas locations. The New York Times had earlier reported the existence of an NSA eavesdropping program on international calls without warrants. Any collection of domestic consumer records would suggest the NSA program was far larger than suspected. President Bush today, however, insisted that no domestic calls were ever listened to without a warrant."
George W. Bush, at press conference: "This government will continue to guard the privacy of the American people, but if al-Qaeda is calling into the United States, we want to know, and we want to know why."
Stewart: "One of the companies, Verizon, suggested they're not even sure they could help the government if asked. There's no record any longer for most local calls, they said, because customers aren't billed for them. Russ?"
Mitchell: "Jim, as we said, this story has been around for a week. By issuing these carefully worded statements today, are these companies saying, in essence, there is nothing at all to this story?"
Stewart: "You get the impression that they're very carefully parsing their statements, and you also get the impression looking at the body language of the intelligence community that there is something here, although maybe not on the scale that USA Today suggested, Russ."


# NBC Nightly News. Brian Williams asserted: "At the White House today, President Bush said the federal government does not listen in on domestic phone calls, but he did not deny that the National Security Agency is collecting the records of millions of Americans' phone calls. Tonight, however, two of the big phone companies named as part of the surveillance program are denying they turned over records. We're joined for more on this tonight by our senior investigative correspondent Lisa Myers. So, Lisa, these two companies reported by USA Today to have been providing billing records to the government have now issued the denials?"

Lisa Myers: "Yes, they have, Brian. Both statements are a bit confusing and leave many unanswered questions. BellSouth now says its own internal review has determined that the company has not 'provided bulk customer calling records to the NSA,' and 'does not have any contract to do that.' Now, Verizon's statement starts by saying it 'won't confirm or deny' whether it has any relationship with the NSA program. It says that it 'never provided customer phone records to the NSA.' But Verizon will not comment on whether MCI, the giant phone company Verizon bought recently, did provide data to the NSA."
Williams: "So, Lisa, bottom line, what does all this mean? And is all this about lawsuits that have come up over matters of privacy?"
Myers: "Well, Brian, it's very hard to know what this means because both statements are carefully parsed. Clearly, the lawsuits have to be on these companies' minds. There already is a class action suit in New York against companies alleged to have cooperated with NSA."
Williams: "And all of this started with the reporting of USA Today, as we mentioned. What has their reaction been to this?"
Myers: "Well, Brian, tonight the paper says it remains confident about its story but will continue to investigate."

Leftist Environment Day on Today, with
Al Gore Dancing with Katie

It was a Greenie lovefest on Tuesday's Today. First, Today show viewers were treated to Al Gore wishing Katie a fond farewell, video which featured an early 1990s clip of Couric actually giving him dance lessons in the White House. Then at the end of the show Ann Curry promoted Sting's annual rainforest concert with his wife Trudie Styler, complete with this promotion of global warming: "To also remind people, I mean, most scientists


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really agree that if we don't protect this band of rainforest in the middle part of, lower middle part of the Earth that we will, could affect the environment in a dramatic way. Some now, there's a lot more debate now today about climate change and more concern about the environment. You've seen this go up and down, the interest and the political wave of it. Where are we now and how hopeful are you that people will be able to talk about this, do something about?"

[This item, by the MRC's Geoff Dickens, was posted Tuesday afternoon, with video, on the NewsBusters blog. The video and audio of Al Gore's taped goodbye to Couric, with a brief look at the two dancing, will be added to the posted version of this CyberAlert. In the meantime, to watch the Real or Windows Media clip, or MP3 audio, go to: newsbusters.org ]

The following are the full excerpts from Today. First the Al Gore farewell at 8am:

Al Gore, fresh off his most recent NBC appearance on Saturday Night Live (see: newsbusters.org ):
"Katie congratulations on the fantastic job that you've done on the Today show and good luck in your new gig. It's gonna be fantastic and I'm proud of ya. And I wanted to say other than my wife Tipper I've never danced with anyone else in the West Wing of the White House except you. I've always enjoyed talking with ya and I really appreciate what you do and the way you do it."

Matt Lauer, live from Paris: "Katie, you know the Vice, former Vice President Al Gore had me a little nervous there when he was going, 'other than my wife Tipper,' I didn't know where he was going with that."
Al Roker: "Yikes!"
Couric: "Yes he meant dancing. You know he was a notoriously or is a notoriously bad dancer and so I was trying, trying to teach him some moves during a commercial break and I guess someone caught that on camera."

Then at 9:49am, Ann Curry and Trudie Styler chatted with each other like they were old gal pals:

Ann Curry: "It's curtains up in New York City this week as some big names in the entertainment industry take to stage for a worthy cause. Since 1991 the Rainforest Foundation Funds Benefit Concert has been drawing an A-list number of celebrities to raise money for various projects and behind it all are the Foundation's founders the legendary rock singer Sting and his legendary wife Trudie Styler who's also the concert's producer. Trudie, good morning. Pleasure to see you. You just told me just before we started going live here that your, this organization since you started it in 1989 along with your husband Sting has raised $21 million. Phenomenal. How does that feel and how does it feel seeing what good it's done?"
Trudie Styler: "Well it feels, it's, it's a good number. It will be raised, nice to raise another $21 million because it's, it's very well-used. And as you see here there's a lot of people who are struggling with their lives and struggling with their environment. They need protection, they need our support so it's an ongoing cause."
Curry: "We're looking at a photo that you actually pointed out to me earlier that you are specifically touched by because you first met this group of people when?"
Styler: "This group? I met them wake back in 1990. I was pregnant with our now 15-year-old daughter and I journeyed up to the northern state of Rorima [sp] to see the Yanamami [sp] people and they were really struggling with a lot of difficulties with loggers, illegal loggers who were taking down their trees, raping and destroying the rainforest, poisoning their rivers, putting mercury into it. We were seeing a lot of women who were pregnant when they delivered that their, that their babies were malformed. And we decided that we would make this a real passion project and it was a passion project for me."
Curry: "What have you done?"
Styler: "And we, and last year we managed to, to ratify the land which means that it belongs to the indigenous perpetuity. An area the size of Hawaii."
Curry: "Which is to say that it's protected-"
Styler: "That is absolutely-"
Curry: "Which allows to people to continue to live there?"
Styler: "It was a long, long process. And for a group that we, it was a 30 year process and we've been involved in it for 15 years and then we took on all the legal costs for the last five years."
Curry: "To also remind people, I mean, most scientists really agree that if we don't protect this band of rainforest in the middle part of, lower middle part of the Earth that we will, could affect the environment in a dramatic way. Some now, there's a lot more debate now today about climate change and more concern about the environment. You've seen this go up and down, the interest and the political wave of it. Where are we now and how hopeful are you that people will be able to talk about this, do something about?"
Styler: "Well I think we finally realized that global warming is a reality. Yesterday I read a paper about allergies and hay fevers. They are getting progressively worse. People are reacting more harshly now because of global warming. Stuff like that, that we'll see far more of. Climate change, the hurricanes. Of course it comes home to roost. You can't think that what we do in the remotest parts of the world and the treatment that these people get will not come home to roost on a karmic level. But on a climate level we're certainly seeing it happen."
Curry: "And to the end of doing something about this problem that you see you have been organizing these concerts and you've got an amazing. You've had an amazing list of people willing to come out and perform including your husband but also this year you've got a pretty dynamic list as well including, I imagine him as well."
Styler: "Including him.."
Curry: "He doesn't have much of a choice does he?"
Styler: "Where would we be without him? No, there's gonna be Sting and James Taylor and the great Lenny Kravitz is going to join us and, and Sheryl, Sheryl Crow is coming and Will Ferrell to make everybody laugh."
Curry: "Oh well that'll be-"
Styler: "And we're doing a Woodstock theme."
Curry: "Oh! Now what exactly does the mean? You're gonna sing '60s music or you gonna be dressing in a-"
Styler: "Both. We're gonna be singing songs from '68."
Curry: "Not wallowing in the mud or anything? Just..."
Styler: "No that'll come later. The after party."
Curry: "Oh please give me an invitation to that one."
Styler: "Sure!"
Curry: "But no, but so, but the whole idea is to celebrate the feeling in the Woodstock of that time."
Styler: "Yes it's a couple of reasons. First of all. Great music and, and it was a time of great activism..."
Curry: "Alright Trudie Styler."
Styler: "Make love, not war."
Curry: "Okay. Trudie Styler thanks so much. And if you'd like to learn more about the Rainforest Foundation and the concert you can visit our Web site."

It should be noted this isn't the first time Ann promoted Sting's Concert. For a transcript from the April 21, 2004 Today show, see the NewsBusters posting of this item as linked above.

Geraldo Slams Bush, Warns America: Get
Ready For $10 Artichokes

Geraldo Rivera, on the Monday edition of his syndicated half hour Fox show Geraldo At Large, slammed the President's immigration policy. Rivera complained that "the President is caving in to the most strident voices on this divisive issue" and asserted that the National Guard wouldn't be effective in stopping illegal immigration, but warned if they were successful: "Who will mow our lawns, pick our apples, patch our roofs, sew our garments? You can bet it won't be those screamers demanding the National Guard. What we need is a sensible and humane approach to immigration. What we need is what the President has advocated up until now. The deployment of the National Guard is political baloney. Get ready everybody for $10 artichokes."

[This item is adopted from a Tuesday posting, by the MRC's Geoff Dickens, on the MRC's blog, NewsBusters.org: newsbusters.org ]

The entirety of Rivera's end of show commentary on his May 15 program:
"One of the reasons that I've always admired President Bush has been his open-mindedness on the issue of immigration. But now it seems as if the President is caving in to the most strident voices on this divisive issue. The President's dispatch of the National Guard along the 2000 mile Mexican border is pure politics, likely to achieve no practical results. Now theoretically the civilian soldiers will have no law enforcement powers but would perform a supportive role according to the White House counselor Dan Bartlett."
Dan Bartlett: "It is filling an immediate need to free up more border patrol agents so they can do the arresting and detention there on the spot."
Rivera: "This is a dumb idea that in the real world has no chance of meaningfully affecting the reality on the ground. As his popularity falls to a new low of 29 percent according to a Harris poll the President has apparently chosen to appease his conservative base rather than maintain the admirably even-handed approach to this incendiary issue that he's held since his days as governor of Texas, and that's too bad. And doesn't the National Guard already have enough to do? Remember hurricane season is just around the corner. This is Republican Senator from Nebraska Chuck Hagel."
Sen. Chuck Hagel: "We have stretched our military as thin as we have ever seen it in modern times. And what in the world are we talking about here sending a National Guard that we may not have any capacity to send down to protect borders. That's not their role."
Rivera: "And what if the Guard does the impossible and stops those illegals in their tracks? Who will mow our lawns, pick our apples, patch our roofs, sew our garments? You can bet it won't be those screamers demanding the National Guard. What we need is a sensible and humane approach to immigration. What we need is what the President has advocated up until now. The deployment of the National Guard is political baloney. Get ready everybody for $10 artichokes."

NBC's ER Docs Rail Against Iraq War:
"Right-Wing Cronyism"

NBC's medical drama ER included more anti-war speeches in last Thursday's next to last episode of the season, as the show's writers killed off a character who used to work as a doctor at the Chicago hospital but has lately been serving as a National Guard medical officer in Iraq. One doctor railed against how the "whole war smell[s]...of right-wing cronyism," while another complained the U.S. was spending "$6 billion a month in a war all


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the way across the world to kill a few more of the other kids who actually get to make it to their teens!"

[This item, by the MRC's Rich Noyes, was posted Friday, with video, on the NewsBusters blog. The video will be added to the posted version of this CyberAlert item, but in the meantime, to watch the Real or Windows Media video clip of a doctor's rant, go to: newsbusters.org ]

Earlier this season, "Dr. Neela Rasgotra" railed against the war in the March 16 episode, as recounted in the March 17 CyberAlert: On Thursday's ER, a leading character on the NBC drama set in a Chicago hospital, declared in reference to her husband being deployed to Iraq: "My duty is to be a good doctor and to be a good wife, not to be brainwashed into falling in line with some pseudo-patriotic delusion." The blast from "Dr. Neela Rasgotra," played by Parminder Nagra, came at the end of a scene of a gathering of spouses of deployed soldiers. When one woman, whose husband would not be home for the impending birth of their child, proclaimed that "our loved ones are serving our country, and it's a small price to pay," Dr. Rasgotra replied: "I think it's a huge price to pay, especially under the circumstances." The woman wondered: "What circumstances?" Dr. Rasgotra explained: "Well, the way the whole thing's been handled, how we got into it, how it's been managed....I still haven't seen any weapons of mass destruction, have you?" As they all sat in a home's living room, Dr. Rasgotra pleaded with the group: "You can't tell me that you believe 100 percent in your heart that we should be in Iraq, can any of you?"

For more, as well as video of the scene: www.mediaresearch.org

The Dr. Neela Rasgotra character had married "Dr. Michael Gallant" after Gallant had returned from his first tour of duty in Iraq.

On the May 11 episode, the truck carrying Gallant and several other soldiers was blown up by a roadside bomb during the first few moments of the show, right after he tried in vain to save a soldier shot in an insurgent ambush. That left the rest of the show for the other characters to complain about the war as they learned of their friend's death.

The first big speech came after "U.S. Army Captain Evans" and an army chaplain, "Father Morris," tracked Dr. Rasgotra down at the hospital to tell her that her husband was dead. Captain Evans was later confronted by one of other staffers, "Dr. Victor Clemente," who demanded to know "Hey, was it friendly fire?"
Captain Evans seemed perplexed: "Sir?"
Clemente then began his diatribe: "I mean, how do we know what really happened over there, huh? I mean, doesn't this whole war smell to you a little bit of right-wing cronyism, what with the oil and the multi-billion dollar re-building contracts, huh?"
He began yelling at the bewildered officer: "I mean, do you know what the real psychological warfare is, my friend -- you coming in here, feeding us a bunch of lies to placate the masses, okay. Tell me about the deficit! Tell me why we had to go over there and kill everybody for democracy! Is that what we're doing? Is that what we're doing?"

At that point, another doctor and a nurse led Clemente away. As the show progressed, it became obvious that Clemente was having psychological problems or a problem with drug addiction, with the character at one point jumping onto the hood of a taxi cab, ripping off his lab coat and shirt, kicking in the taxi's windshield and urinating onto the vehicle.

But the addled Clemente wasn't the only anti-war spokesman. Later in the show, "Dr. Gregory Pratt," who was a friendly competitor to Gallant when they worked together, erupted after dealing with two abused children. The attending physician, "Dr. Luka Kovac," heard Pratt yelling at a medical student. Kovac interrupted: "Hey, what's going on?"
An upset Pratt replied: "I've got a kid with a busted collarbone. He's got signs of old rib and humerus fractures, and he's the lucky one. His little brother is in the room next to him in a coma.
Kovac tried to calm him down, asking: "Did you call social services?
Pratt said nothing, but the med student replied, "Yeah, they're coming."
Dr. Pratt then launched into his blame America speech: "You know, we've got CTs, MRIs, PET scans, Doppler 4D, ultrasounds, and we still can't save one kid from getting his brains beaten out. That's right -- he had to kill his old man because there was nobody else there to help him. I guess that would be too much to ask. I mean, because it's much better that we spend -- what is it now? -- $6 billion a month in a war all the way across the world to kill a few more of the other kids who actually get to make it to their teens!"
Kovac inquired: "Did you tell the police?"
Pratt was disgusted: "What, so they could arrest him? Yeah, because that's the one thing we do well in this country, isn't it? We've got prison down to a science. Prison and war." He then stalked off.

After Pratt left, Kovac explained to the med student: "He and Dr. Gallant were friends."
It is, of course, an election year. Any guesses as to how much a pair of 60-second anti-war spots on NBC (in primetime) would cost a liberal activist group trying to cultivate public anxiety about the war? That's one way to calculate the value of ER's gift to anti-war activists.

Tomorrow night, May 18, NBC will air the season finale.

Letterman's "Top Ten Surprises in George
W. Bush's Speech"

From the May 16 Late Show with David Letterman, the "Top Ten Surprises in George W. Bush's Speech." Late Show home page: www.cbs.com

10. Immigration crackdown began after he caught Laura hitting on the White House pool boy

9. Referred to Mexicans as "People of the Sombrero"

8. Onscreen ticker tape kept track of his rapidly falling approval rating

7. Frequent references to "my good friend Cheech"

6. Not enough time discussing border patrol, to much time discussing the new 'Facts of Life' DVD box set

5. In retaliation, Mexico may forbid American girls from going wild in Cancun

4. Stirring moment when he declared, "Ich Bin Ein Chalupa"

3. Appealed to Zorro for help

2. Instead of "My Fellow Americans," began speech with "Sup, bitches?"

1. Important points punctuated by shotgun blast from Cheney

-- Brent Baker